Quiet

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.                                                                                                         - Zephaniah 3:17

Quiet is rare in my life. My two young boys are frenetic balls of energy, and they are LOUD. They fill most moments of the day with noise - yelling, singing, vrooming, laughing,chattering, fighting, and whining. I try to cherish the little kid noise, knowing that in a heart beat, my home will be too quiet. But there are times when I just long for quiet. To surf the web, read a chapter, even make an uninterrupted phone call. I savor the moments when their mouths are busy eating, or a cartoon actually captures their attention. And bedtime... well, we all know bedtime is the greatest. I'm trying to teach my children that while noise and commotion are fine at times, quiet moments are just as important. There is just something wonderful about a little bit of silence.

So often, it's my own spirit that needs to be quieted. My mind races, ruminating worries and what-ifs and if-only's. I fight with anxiety over things I can't control. I struggle to bring my concerns to His throne and leave them there. I wake up during the night, gripped with fear over some circumstance or trial we're facing, wondering if God can really handle our finances, our future, our children. I wrestle with doubts of His presence and goodness. 

In those moments, the Holy Spirit draws near to perform one of his greatest works. He quiets me. He settles my spirit and calms my fears. He reminds me of His long, unbroken story of faithfulness to His children. He reminds me of my part in that story. He gives me strength to keep walking in confidence in the face of uncertainty and adversity.

If I let him.

You see, God doesn't force Himself on us. He pursues us, certainly, with an unrelenting, unparalleled determination. But He doesn't force us to accept His gifts. When I feel stressed out, irritable, angry, anxious - when my spirit is chaotic and disordered and full of noise - I can choose to stay in that place and fret. Stew. Simmer. Or, I can choose to forgive, to release resentment, to take captive my thoughts of worry and fear and turn them over to Him. If I choose to, I can let Him love on me. Comfort me. Quiet me.

Oh, yeah, I have a blog.

So... it's been awhile. In my mind, I've written countless blog posts over the past many months. Too bad it stopped there. I have plenty of excuses for my literary silence, and I make no promises that I will be writing regularly for some time. But I thought I'd pop in to confirm that I am, in fact, still alive.

We are expecting Baby #3 in about 6 weeks, give or take. We're thrilled to have a little girl on the way, and Madelyn Kate can't come soon enough for this worn=out Mama. Overall, this pregnancy has been easier than the other two - fewer headaches and much less nausea, at least. But I've been extremely fatigued, and many weeks of my pregnancy were marked by depression, anxiety, and a crazy amount of irritability. I've really struggled with controlling my temper and my words with my two little boys, yelled at them more than I ever imagined I could. I've felt despair in the face of circumstances that seem impossible, and questioned whether God was hearing any of my prayers. But I've also learned so much about His goodness and grace at work in my shamefully imperfect life. I can't wait to share some of those lessons with you all. For today, I'll leave you with a piece of scripture that has been my touchstone lately, from Zephaniah 3:17:

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."